Characters
Jet Pack Cops Sarah "Booger" Bugra The newest Jet Pack Cop, Sarah is from the 'Bland' lower caste in the village of Leslie. Sarah is still a bit inexperienced and idealistic. Cliff Danger Cliff’s father was a traveling merchant with a small home in Oldenburg. While traveling, he came across a woman who was separated from her cannibal tribe. He brought her home and cared for her, trying to make her a domestic wife. But her wild heart could not be tamed, and she left soon after Cliff was born. Cliff’s father never recovered, becoming a degenerate alcoholic. Cliff grew up on the streets and was saved from his life as a street thug by the Jet Pack Cops. Rocky Dhakar A slick, athletic, handsome young man from Russett. Rocky is a champion knife-thrower. Clemence Fiddledown Born and raised in Dustown, Clemence was a friendly cowboy-type and a veteran Jet Pack Cop. He died when Cannibals collapsed a cave on him. Vermilion "Frankie" Huangse Vermilion, known to everyone as "Frankie", grew up in a rich family in Leslie from the upper 'Chrome' caste. She is friendly and upbeat, but takes her job very seriously. She gave Sarah Bugra (a member of the lower 'Bland' caste) the nickname ‘Booger.’ Jean Jettpac III Was Chief of the Jet Pack Cops before David Verney. Burt Pollino A simple farmboy from Bandolier. Burt is kind and friendly. Tepa Raslav Tepa co-hosts the segment Tech Talk/OldenWays. From Bill's Pit, Tepa is the best mechanic in The Accord. She has a frank, straightforward way and is also talented with explosives. Rose Slate Rose was a Jet Pack Cop born in the village of Leslie. She was engaged to marry Cliff Danger when she was killed in a train explosion caused by a bomb set by Alistair Crooke. Rook Stoltz Born in the village of Eastden, outside The Accord. Mutants surprise-attacked his family, killing all but Rook. Rook traveled alone across the Great Mountains and found shelter with the Jet Pack Cops. Harriette T’Kembe From The Bonepatch. She’s a strong and capable veteran. Very cheeful and calm. The Chief (David Verney) Does The News segments and dispatches the Jet Pack Cop. David Verney was a Jet Pack Cop for 20 years until he was raised to the position of Chief. He answers directly to The Council of Elders. He often finds himself in conflict with Brother Mathias or Hannah Hawk because of tensions within The Accord. XT-3000 Does the Human Repair call-in show. A cargo robot from before The End. Left dormant for 100 years, XT was activated by the first Jet Pack Cops. She has developed an intense interest in human psychology. Horrace Yusif Horrace co-hosts the segment Tech Talk/OldenWays. Raised and educated in Oldenburg, Horrace is whip smart, but maybe not as smart as he thinks. He knows a little bit about ancient technology. Oldenburg Cooky Bernie "Cooky" Bernie owns his own trading shop, Cooky Bernie's Come & Trade. He is a gregarious, though manipulative, merchant. Dale Gleebum The lead scientist at Toyco's Child Research and Funtime Labour Camp. Hannah Hawk Hannah has tried several times to distribute a newspaper throughout The Accord, but geography, apathy and government resistance have always stopped her. The reconstruction of the radio transmitter allows Hannah the opportunity to revive the long dead tradition of investigative journalism. Hannah is deeply suspicious of both The Council of Elders and the Jet Pack Cops. Jack Carothers An excitable commentator of stashball games. Jam Handy One of The Accord's two practicing lawyers. He has folksy wisdom and a silver tongue. He is a sleeper agent for New Darwin City. Jefferson Squibbly A very old man who saw the broadcast tower fall in a storm 60 years ago. Very grumpy and ready to die. Lisa “The Wozz” Wazzleapchek A serious stashball journalist and The Accord's official stashball referee. Matris Remillard The 82-year old leader of The Council of Elders. Profoundly detached from the goings on in The Accord, Remillard has lived a life of privilege and is going a bit senile. But she does mean well. Mental Mable Savvy businessperson who owns a series of salons which offer Dirtsight, the practice of telling the future by digging a hole and examining it. Vanessa Oldenburgian fancypants. Frequent caller to XT-3000’s show. Bandolier Youngling Brown Youngling Brown is a young child chosen as the First Picker in Bandolier's Stinksprout Harvest. His face was eaten by cannibals. W. W. Bushman W. W., or "Double-double-U" is a wealthy grain merchant and the mayor of Bandolier. Dreamer A citizen who calls in to Human Repair to complain about their life as a pony-brusher. Jimmy A plainspoken common man who often calls in to XT-3000’s radio show. Belinda Zuggins A beautiful sociopath. She won the 331 End Day Survivor Pageant. She is dating XT-3000. Bill's Pit Oleg Gupta Oleg is the president and CEO of the Tar Corporation. The Bonepatch Chip Sliggins Chip Sliggins is the bar tender at the Bonepatch World-Class Spa and Resort. Sally "Lady" Gris Owns and runs the Bonepatch Roadhouse. Also owns and runs the Bonepatch World Class Spa and Resort. Dick Winterbody Does Winterbody's Wasteland Wisdom segment. Dick Winterbody is a resident of the truly horrible settlement in The Bonepatch. He prides himself on being able to survive anything, dismissing all luxury as ‘a waste of calories.’ Dustown Fredward Beaujeuxlais A prominent resident of the Beuajeuxlais side of Dustown. Billie Daniels Does the Folklore with Billie segments. A member of the Daniels Clan, Billie is a folklore-ist and musician. He is generally happy and upbeat. Billie knows a huge number of old stories and Songs. Spram DeBrussie A native of Dustown on the Beaujeuxlais side. Sassy Fiddledown The daughter of Jet Pack Cop Clemence Fiddledown. Ramblin’ Jack A traveling musician, who knows many folk songs. Sassy Fiddledown The orphaned daughter of Officer Clemence Fiddledown. Hillbilly#1 An official Dustown hillbilly. Hillbilly#2/Jilly Joe Chong A casual Dustown hillbilly. Hillbilly#3 A Dustown citizen from the Daniels' side of Centrefence. Leslie Scarlet Blue The leader of the rich Chrome caste of Leslie. Scarlett maintains the social order in her town. She is the very picture of smiling bigotry. Harry Fitzgibbon Owns Harry’s Hammers in Leslie. He stars in his own commercials for his hammers, but doesn’t have much confidence in either himself or his product. A member of the Chrome caste. Dance Plancy Captain of the Leslie Ochre Devils stashball team. A member of the Bland caste. Leslie Pigment Factory Robot A pigment stirring robot down in the tunnels beneath the Leslie Pigment Factory. Mutantown Dix-Huit A young and noble Abnorm living in Mutantown. Brother Mathias Does the Abnormal Devotional segment. Brother Mathias leads the village of Mutantown and all the Abnorms in their strange religion. He is suspicious of outsiders and deeply bitter about how his people are treated in the Accord. Mutant One An ordinary Abnorm. Mutant Two Another ordinary Abnorm. Mutant Sacrifice An innocent Abnorm who was going to be burned alive in order to end a Darkstorm. Sister Slan Brother Mathias’s rebellious Abnorm daughter. Russett Flick Bommino A graphic designer and dodger of the Stashball Draft. Crash Johnson The star knifer for the Russett Stingrats stashball team. Crash is a little slow, but he always gives it 110%. He’s the spokesperson for Grandma Murray’s Willow Concoction. Mr. Saltzman Runs the Russett Salt Co-op and salt mine. Un-charismatic-ally stars in all of his own commercials for Salt. JP Welder A local boulder-mover. Not a welder. New Darwin City Doctor Azulo Doctor Azulo is the dictator of New Darwin City as well as the mastermind behind its way of life. Alistair Crooke Cliff Danger’s former partner in the Jet Pack Cops. Alistair was presumed dead, but has recently reemerged. He is the Marshall of the forces of New Darwin City. Robot New Darwin City has many robots under its control. Saboteur A clandestine agent within The Accord who planted a bomb on the Only Train for Alistair Crooke. The bomb which eventually killed Officer Rose Slate. Outside The Accord Cannibal Queen The nominal leader of all of the cannibal tribes. Miscellaneous Announcer Smooth talkin’ person who reads ad copy. Cheesy Singer Sings terrible ad jingles. Chewer A citizen of The Accord who calls into XT-3000s show Human Repair for help with their chewing addiction. CHEWSTIX! Testosterone Dude The extreme, high-octane spokesperson for CHEWSTIX!. Crazy Hermit A crazy hermit who lives alone in the wastes and may have fallen in love with himself. Danny, Dusty and Layla Culinary processors at Aunty Bulma's Clockround Eatery. Father/Mother Suburban parents used in Toyco commercials. Feldman's Cowboy The official spokesperson of Feldman's Chewin' Root. Gangster#1 and Gangster#2 Members of the Black Wind Gang. Gourd Kid A creepy little kid who makes they're own dolls out of dried gourds. Grim Reaper/Victor Barbeaux Victor is the official being of Aunty Bulma's. And at the End Day Town Festival, Victor plays a friendly death mascot for kids to celebrate End Day. Grunt and Shriek The CHEWSTIX! testosterone dude's two companions. They appear in CHEWSTIX! ads. Jazz Lady The official singer for UR-EEN flavoured drinking crystals. Jeeves A snooty butler featured in the Sticky Cricket Drinking Sauce commercials. Kid Kids who talk on commercials. Luxury Announcer A spokesperson for high end products like Dogheart Dogcarts. Mountaineer A person who climbs mountains without the aid of Captain Schmelli's Good Time Bear Spray. Ugfohl Ugfohl is a cannibal who would like to give up his barbarism and move to The Accord. .